


Undone

by teamfreeawesome



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, Not!Fic, Swearing, Unrequited Love, but enough that i thought i should probably tag it, do i tag for swearing?, i've tagged swearing, there's not a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-08
Updated: 2013-08-08
Packaged: 2017-12-22 20:34:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/917743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teamfreeawesome/pseuds/teamfreeawesome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel thinks that Dean loves him (not!fic cross-posted from Tumblr)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Undone

**Author's Note:**

> This was the result of a kinda rubbish day and also a shrieked conversation with my friend Ben. It might become an actual fic at some point, but *waves vaguely*
> 
> Uh... I also acknowledge that it's kinda written _awfully ___, but um, it was typed fast and hasn't had a clean up or a beta because I didn't really think it was worth it. It's basically me just keyboardsmash-ing angsty scenarios ;)
> 
>  
> 
> Feedback is much appreciated (though, constructively my loves <3 )
> 
>  
> 
> _Disclaimer: I own none of these characters or Supernatural or anything of any value really..._

What I really want right now is a HORRIBLE ANGSTY DESTIEL FIC where Castiel thinks that Dean loves him. Like, he catalogues all these things that Dean is doing that shows that he loves Cas but is too emotionally constipated to say it. And it gives Cas lots of warm fuzzy feelings inside and he waits and he waits for this confession to come out. And he talks to Sam and is like “Dean seems like he’s in love” and Sam agrees so Cas decides to take matters into his own hands.

He angelically cleans his trenchcoat till it’s practically sparkling and he’s got butterflies and keeps trying to talk himself out of going to see Dean, but he’s like “it’s DEAN. He LOVES you. Do it!” And because he’s hanging out in heaven (and all the angels get on BECAUSE OF REASONS) all his brothers and Anna are like “whoo hooo who has a date then?” and egg Cas on and embarrass him and hug him and are like “Dean-o will be lucky to have you.”

So Cas finds where the Winchesters are hanging out and pops into the room, and Dean is just hanging out, eating (because, you know, it’s DEAN). And Cas stands there and he’s twisting his fingers and trying to think how to start this, because he’s so nervous, and if this is what humans have to cope with all the time how do they not just spontaneously combust?

 

So Dean just turns to him and is like “what the hell are you doing Cas? Just spit it out, then I can grab the salt and kill whatever sonofabitch has got you in a tizzy.”

So Cas kinda shakes his head and mumbles and finally manages to get it out. He’s telling Dean; he’s telling him how beautiful and wonderful he is and how he makes Cas feel like he has a herd of elephants in his belly, not bloody butterflies. And how his brothers mock him because it’s always Dean-this and Dean-that. And how he sorta-kinda knows Dean feels the same way, right?

Right?

Because Dean has been acting like he’s in love, and he buys Cas pies and keeps hinting that he’s got something to tell him and he lights up when Cas is around like he just can’t fucking contain how he feels, like he’s so excited that all of it just comes tumbling out through this massive great grin he has permanently attached these days. Like he just wants to scream that he loves his Castiel; his angel.

Except that he’s not.

He’s not.

And Dean is looking at him with this expression. He’s never seen it before on Dean’s face. It’s pity, and sorrow and confusion and sympathy and yes. Even a bit of disgust. Like, how could Castiel think Dean liked him?

So Dean leans forward and he takes a deep breath and Cas… he holds his because maybe, just maybe, Dean has decided that actually, really, maybe Cas is for him and he just hadn’t realised what his subconscious has known for years and he says, he says with this twisted expression, with this gravelly, hurt kind of voice (but how is Dean the one who’s hurting, Cas doesn’t understand and he’d thought he was beginning to understand, he really thought this was it and they said THEY SAID THEY LOOKED AND THEY SAID THAT DEAN AND CAS WERE IT, IT WAS ALWAYS DEAN AND CAS, CAS AND DEAN. PERFECT AND LOVE SO MUCH LOVE)

he says; he asks; he tells Cas to leave because he cannot deal with this, not when he is thinking about the wedding. The wedding that Cas had not been told about, but the wedding where he was supposed to be the other best man, the one that wasn’t Sam.

And Castiel. His face. Crumples. And he knows. He knows that this was it. Dean was IT. There’s nothing else, but he’ll leave because that’s what Dean wants and he’s always, always done what Dean wants.

And if he sees Sam’s shocked, twisted expression as he trudges out (because how could he fly? how could he fly when it feels like the only thing that kept him in the air, made him weightless, was Dean?) then he ignores it and he walks, and he walks and

Gabriel finds him hours and hours and hours later crumpled up staring at a trash can and Gabe picks him up and cradles him and he knows, they all know that Castiel has lost a little part of his soul, his grace forever. He’s given it to Dean Winchester and he won’t get it back - wouldn’t take it even if it was offered.

**Author's Note:**

> um. you can find me on Tumblr under the same username. i love you guys


End file.
